Manifest Green

I know I said I was gonna be updating with new fun soon, but and unexpected thing happened:  my mom came into town a day early.  I wasn't expecting her until today, but she surprised me by coming yesterday.  I actually knew on Wednesdaythat she would be here yesterday and that's why I couldn't write anything.  Brett and I were busy cleaning.  We aren't messy or slobs or anything, but our apartment is definitely lived in.  So that's my excuse.

And right now I am holed up in the bedroom watching Monk and typing this while she sits downstairs and watches the news.  I like the morning news and all, but I cannot take sitting down there with her watching it.  Only because the news leads to soap operas and I cannot stand soap operas.  I have a lot to do today and I cannot sit around watching them all day with her.  And she is a die-hard fan of CBS soaps.  I don't think she has ever missed them.  She tapes them when she is at work and then watches all of them when she gets home.  And she watches them on the internet.  She is ANGRY that Guiding Light is being canceled because she used to listen to it when it was still on the radio.  That's dedication.

Anyway, she is here, I have to go shopping to make some lasagna for the reception, I have to figure out my hair and paint my toenails (because the black polish that has been slowly chipping away for the past three weeks just doesn't look so hot) and bathe the dogs (because they are stinky).  If there is something else I need to do I haven't the faintest what it is because I don't do lists.  Well, I do lists, but then I have to make a list to figure out where I last saw my list and then...well, you get the picture.

I will remember to bring my toothbrush.

For the future:  lots of pictures, a story about a bird, and some other stuff.

Oh yeah!  I have two haircuts to do today:  my mom and Brett!

EXCITEMENT!

I have much to tell, but not right now....I am supposed to be cleaning because my mother arrives tomorrow!

But I can tell you this:  I am on my AWESOME new PINK Dell laptop that Brett got me as wedding gift (I think he would like to play online without having to go upstairs, also!).

As soon as I can I will update everyone with the goings on!

Two days of nothing.  And I mean nothing.  Ok, maybe not nothing nothing, but close.  and it's really three days.

On Tuesday I had a manager meeting with the boss lady.  Our salon won three more awards, making it a totally of four awards for last year, and hopefully another one by June 30th.  That would be super cool.  I am being presented as the best of the best and all of the other salons in the whole damn world need to sit up and take notice, and notes on what I am doing right and what they are doing wrong.  Not to be all self centered and uppity about it, but it does feel pretty damn good knowing that I have the best staff in the world and our salon is doing so awesome.

Anyway, after the meeting what did I do?  I can't remember.  Oh, I took the paychecks to the salon and dropped them off, did a little bit of paperwork and then came home.  It was nice.  I got to lounge.  I spoke for a while with my former mentor from the tattoo shop, mostly about the issues he has had, an unfortunate event that he caused that, honestly, no matter what he does or how much he apologizes, he needs to remember that it happened and take steps to not allow anything that critical and that horrifying ever happen again.  I'm just glad I walked out long before any of it happened.  And during that conversation I totally laid all the cards on the table and told him why I walked away, why I didn't go back when I said I would and the things that need to change before I would consider going back.  I believe the term I used about three times was "once you get your ducks in a row and your shit shoveled away, then we can really talk about it".  He has too much going on.  I really, really want to finish my apprenticeship, but only if I know I won't be left to my devices of trying to teach myself.  If I wanted to do that I would have spent all of the money on the equipment and bought the pigs ears and worked at it in the privacy of my own home.  Sadly, because of his action in the past couple of months I don't know if I could go back.  Brett doesn't trust him, and to be honest, I don't either right now.  The only good thing that came out of what he did is that he was able to step back and see what he had become.  Maybe it will make him a better shop owner and a better person wholly.

Anyway, I also managed to freak out because I realized I hadn't heard a peep out of one of my bridesmaids in a couple of months.  So I sent her some text messages and finally got an answer back yesterday.  She has just been working a lot, but promised she would still be there.  Hope, hope, hope.

Yesterday I was supposed to go down and check out a new salon where the tattoo shop had been before moving to the other side of the building, but I never heard from the guy.  Instead I went and dropped off paychecks at another salon and then decided to stop by Trader Joe's since I was in the neighborhood.  I know I wrote about how underwhelmed I was some time before, but I couldn't find it right off.  But I have to take that back now.  I got two huge bags of nummies for less than $40!!!!  I bought:

Hip and Joint dog biscuits
3 or 4 Cliff bars
OJ
ginger chews candy
blueberry soda
chai
yogurt
spinach, fontina and garlic chicken sausage
mushrooms
dried flattened bananas
4 avocados
pitas
garlic hummus (yum yum yum...best hummus ever!)
and Caribbean flavored popsicles (yet they don't taste like sweaty fishermen, they taste like strawberry, pineapple, mango and coconut)

It's all so good.  And less than Kroger or Publix.  I think I might just start shopping there for now on.

Then I came home and contemplated what to do.  I really wanted to work on cigar boxes again, but I just didn't have the drive.  Then I thought about doing laundry, but I didn't have the drive.  I tried to find a movie to watch, but I didn't see anything interesting.  So I skipped around channel surfing, watched the people out at the pool for a few minutes and ate constantly.  I love my days off, but I get so bored if I have nothing planned out to do.  I do love lounging around doing nothing, though. 

Damn, I just remembered....I still haven't mailed Catherine's jewelry.  I am such a forgetful person.

I remembered to mail my Netflix back, though!  One point for me!

I also tried to create a wordle, but I wasn't liking it.

And I was gonna write about something else, but I can't remember what.

meh.

The Lonely Island Collection ( I like Andy Samberg)

I love Andy Samberg.

I feel the need to share this story because a) I find it funny and b) you may or may not.

I am not Jewish.  I have never been Jewish.  I do have a Jewish Godfather (strange, I know).  I love matzoh ball soup and knishes and latkes.  But that is as Jewish as I have ever been.  Except I have often dreamt about converting just so I can get all the cool holidays off of work as I eat my matzoh, knishes and latkes.  However, I am not.

I have clients at the salon that, for what ever reason, think I am Jewish.  And it's strange.  Did you know Jewish people cannot get tattooed.  Well, they apparently do now (see Adam Goldberg, who I would totally do in a heartbeat...and you know what I mean by "do").  Anyhoo, it's against the religion.  And I am covered, and I mean dripping in tattoos.

Anyway, the Yenta found out that I had beyshayrt.  See, for the past four years her husband and herself have been trying to get me to date their son in hopes for a huge marriage ceremony in Israel.  Iz Meer!  Yeah.  And today she informed me that I have ruined her life because I have found another to marry. 

I am not Jewish.

I cannot get married in a Jewish ceremony in Israel.

It was not gonna happen, even if he were Adam Goldberg, or John Stewart, or even Andy Samberg (who I would totally "do", also!... see number 4 on my Eight Things to the left of this....).

She told me I ruined their lives.

And I call her a Yenta in the kindest terms.  Because she is his mother, but she is also a huge gossip.  And I know this because as soon as she left she sat in her car for about five minutes yelling on the phone with what I presume was her husband.

I ruined someones life today.

Or maybe she was just being a Jewish mother.

I RUINED someones life today.

So I was driving along in the rain and I suddenly felt like I had to go faster and faster.  And I knew it was dangerous, but I couldn't stop myself from pressing the pedal down more and more until everything was flying by in a blur.  And the song pouring from the speaker was Swan Lake's "Paper Lace" and it made me want to scream and cry and just keep going faster.  Just as I was approaching the overpass, the one tire on my car that is nearly flat hit a puddle of water.  A puddle that wasn't big, it wasn't small.  There was absolutely nothing about it that would make it memorable except what the combination of it and my tire created.  The car took off in a horrible skid and I watched as the front end began to slide under the lip of the overpass and straight towards one of the columns holding the bridge up.  I know it hit head-on, smack! in the middle.  I know the airbag went off.  I know I hit the column going well over 100 mph.

And it's crazy because it never happened.  But these are the kinds of things I think about when I am driving to or from work.  I never think these things any other time.  Just to and from work.

Anyway....

I know I promised a post that would thrill and amaze you, much like Space Mountain.  Alas, I doubt it will live up to the hype I created, but it was far batter than the post yesterday, you hafta agree.

Work was slammed, at least for me, and that is always good.  I don't like doing a ton of people without have a bathroom break, but it is far better than sitting around staring at each other.  I was so hungry when I got home and my headache was still there.  It has subsided a bit and I started some craft projects.

In case you wondered what my art table looks like now, for your viewing enjoyment:

It is a wreck. 

Anyway, I lounged on the couch for a while and Brett went and got some food.  And it was gooooooood.

I had to take pictures of the animals because they are so very adorable:

This is actually from yesterday morning.  They pretend to not like each other much, but I think this tells a different story.

Miss Scampi trying to fold herself in half and giving something on the floor the evil eye.

Miss Scampi being coy.  Notice the ghosty just above her head.

This picture had not been altered in anyway, shape or form...her eyes just came out like that, but she swears she is the sweetest thing in the world.  She needs to loofah her elbows!

So anyhoo.  I guess I could talk about how New Belgium finally made its way to Georgia, which is superfly exciting.  Fat Tire is my favorite beer (well, it ties up with PBR, but that's beside the point here).  It's just really damn good beer.  And when I lived in Colorado I was lucky enough to live in the same town as the brewery, Fort Collins !

And I miss it tons.  It was fun!  Anyway, the brewery is windpowered, and honestly, you can read more about it on their site or here.  And while I am at it, I feel the need to post these videos of the Pooch Plunge that they host every year at the city pool in Fort Collins:

Aren't they just so damn adorable?

Anyhoo (again), hopefully this kept you amused if not terrbily thrilled!

So Sleepy

I am congested. Again. I have the humidifier going as we speak. I'm
so freaking lazy and sleepy from the cold medication I took that I am
sending this from my phone when the computer is about 3 or 4 feet away.
And turned off. And I'm not in the mood to boot it up. But I will come
back tomorrow with something that will knock your socks right off of
your little piggies.

Maybe, perhaps...

The Party

Ok, so these are the pictures from the party.  I am not actually putting all of them on here because, well, there are a ton of them and most of them happen to be the same thing over and over again (mixing cameras and alcohol is not always a good idea).  Anyway, I am not labeling the pictures, so I will go ahead and give you the low down now.  We started at a Mexican restaurant and then ended up at a gay bar.  And really, I shouldn't be allowed in gay bars ever again.  Everyone drinks waaaaaay too much at a gay bar.  I don't know why, but it happens.  I left in the red eyes and tried to find the best of all of them.  Many of them make me want to snot myself from laughing so hard, but yeah.  And I left out those that were just toally uncalled for.  And since I did much of the picture taking, there are only a couple with me.  The players involved are:  Shane, Chris, Matt, Jerry, Thomas, Tashia, Jennifer and me.  Who else has a bachelorette party with a lot of gay doods?  So, without further ado (look it up!):

!

I will update very soon....its gonna be a picturefest!

Stupidity

All sorts of stupidness are going on.  There is a girl I work with that started planning a bachelorette party and then shitted out on me.  Really.  And didn't tell anyone that she canceled it.  What a fucking asshole! So....I sent her a text that if she had something better to do that was cool, just let me know.  She told me to call everyone and tell them it was off.  Because I soooo asked her for a party and it is soooooo my job to do that.  ASSHOLE!

Anyway, the other peeps do want to go out so we are planning shit without that bitch.  And I hate calling her that.  But it is really shitty and bitchy.  So I am getting married and I have no one to throw a party for me.  Which was fine until she said she was gonna throw one.  Trust me, I am all about being in jammies and watching tv or movies.  I love my couch.  I have a deep relationship with my couch and my remote and my tv.  I don't need no stinkin' party. But everyone else is excited and made plans, including Brett.  So yeah.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

If I could scream I would.

I am so done....three phone calls later.  Leave it alone.  LEAVE IT ALONE!  I don't even want a party.. I am done.

I hate girls.

A Post About Flowers and Wet Cats

This was gonna be a post about how exciting it is to see my plants budding again, but it turned into something else. 

And I think it might take a second longer to write this because I am queasy from the hydrocodone the dentist gave me.  Seriously.  I am hot as hell, sweating-yet clammy-and shaking.  I seriously feel ill.  But, anyway.

So, flowers.  Exciting!  I thought they would never have any flower buds again.  But they do! 

My geraniums!

My snapdragons!

The strange plant that I still don't have a clue what it is...

Ok, now on to wet cat picture and video.  What happened was I got to feeling sick, so naturally I went and laid in the tub in cool water.  Brett came up to keep me company.  And this, of course, meant that Scallop HAD to come in and hang out too.  So, anyway.  When I was getting out of the tub Scallop was there and I asked her if she wanted a bath.  She gave me a look that clearly said yes.  So I picked her up and put her in the tub.  Apparently she though I had said "cat food" instead of "bath" and was horrified to find herself in the water.  I wasn't able to get a good shot before she escaped, but I did get this from over the doors:

Ignore the rust stain in the tub.  I have done everything I could think of to get rid of it and it just won't go away.

So anyway, I figured I would follow her down the stairs and get a video of her trying to dry herself off.  Now the video is kinda boring, I know, but the cameo of Sadie and her nose is great.  And remember, there is no sound because Brett's camera doesn't have sound.  So imagine some really awesome song while you watch.

Oh, and it is kinda dark, but you will love the dog nose and those teeny skinny little kitty legs!

Ok, so that is all I can do right now because I believe I need to go and hang my face over the toilet for a bit while crying.  I am never taking that stuff again.  Ew.

Distraught

Can't....sign....on....to...Facebook.....maintenance......gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clean or Dirty* Jokes for Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I need to read some really good jokes that I haven't hear yet.

Who has an awesome joke? 

*I'm not against dirty jokes, but don't make them racist, pedo, anything sick like that.  I will totally delete the offensive joke and tell you to kiss my ass.

You know it is time to go when Hoda and Kathie Lee come on

The Boss Lady finally called back and it was agreed to meet at a restaurant next to the shop.  She lives far enough away I figured I had a few to kill time.  But as soon as the two buffoons came on tv, I knew it was time to shower up and leave.

Chris showed up at the shop to deliver some paper to us, and after waiting around and him upsetting those on the Master Cleanse by explaining how much weight they will gain back, I dragged him to the restaurant to wait on the meeting with Boss Lady.

I am stuffed.  I had to pee so badly on the way home, and there was traffic. 

Damn those 5 cups of water I drank at the restaurant!

Coffee

I did not get to bed last night until something like 2:30 (I guess that is technically this morning).  I couldn't get off the internetz.  Seriously, I think it is becoming an addiction.  Or it has been an addiction and I am just now admitting it.  Hi.  My name is Stephanie and I am an Internet Addict.  I check the web often.  At work I check Facebook and Fark.  And every so often I mosey on elsewhere.  I can't do to much there because, well, I am at work.  And my job doesn't involve a computer.  Well, it does, but not one that is connected to the online world.  So I have my phone for that.  But my Sidekick can only do so much and trying to move from page to page is like when everyone had AOL back in the day and dial-up only.  At home I get stuck clicking on recently updated blogs on Typepad.  And when I find an interesting one I bookmark it and then start clicking around on the blogrolls.  It then turns into this long, drawn out thing of trying to find the next best site.  And I have found a ton of them. 

So anyway, I totally forgot where I was going with this.  Oh yeah!  So I was up until all hours of the night (I wonder where that term came from?  Because do morning hours count as night hours?  Or maybe only the hours leading up to midnight count?  If that is the case, then I wasn't up until all hours of the night. I was up through all hours of the night and then until a couple of hours into the morning.) and I am oddly very much wide awake right now.  And drinking coffee.  Which I don't actually do very often.  But this morning I figured it would be a great idea. 

See, I am actually waiting to hear from The Boss Lady.  When I spoke with her yesterday I was trying to figure out if we were having our biweekly managers meeting that we haven't actually had in about a month.  She said I was the only manager that scheduled for it, but that we need to get back into the habit.  Then SHE asked ME if I wanted to get together with her today and go over the numbers and whatnot and I said sure.  She suggested I figure out a place to lunch at and call her back and we could meet up.  I figured Figo would be pretty awesome, so I called her back and left her a message yesterday at around one in the afternoon or so.  I hadn't heard back from her so I called about half an hour ago and left her another message.  Still nothing.  So no free lunch today?  I dunno.  But I will be one wired lady sitting at home all day otherwise. 

Hold on.  I need to fill my enormous cup again.

And in case you wondered to yourself, "Well, Self, just how enormous could her cup actually be?" I have decided to not only give you a comparison picture, but just remember that I made 10 cups of coffee, I have filled the cup up twice and there is now a half a cup left in the pot.

So, on the left is my cup and on the right is a regular size coffee cup.  And yes, I do have bigger coffee cups than this, but we prefer to call them soup bowls around here.

What was I saying?

Actually, because I have drank so much coffee in the past half hour I can feel the caffeine in my feet and, oddly enough, my rear end. 

I suppose I can do laundry today.  Maybe clean the kitchen (blech!).   

Random Brain Flurries

Oh my God! 

I just remembered someone learning to drive stick shift while singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas".

Why in the hell did that just pop into my head?

And yes, I do realize I just used "God", "Christmas" and "hell" all in three, now four, sentences.

 

I hit the jackpot today!

Today, while tippy tappying through a million and one blogs I came across one of the best I have ever read.  It is The Bloggess.  I was laughing so hard I cried...and then had to get more water because I laugh-cried all of the moisture from my body.  My favorite post, besides all of them, is The Difference Between Midgets and Dwarves.  Seriously, just read it.  I hafta add her to my blogroll.

I a one of those people that has to read out loud to others because, for some reason, no one can read as fast as I do and while I am reading along with them on the same screen, I know for a fact that I am at least a paragraph and a half ahead of them (at the very least).  However, when reading something that is making me snot all over the keyboard and causing me to have red, raw eyes, it makes me take longer to read.  Even still, Brett couldn't hold his shit together on some of it.

Some great posts:

"I’d probably use a nail gun for the mannequin arms but I’d give the marlins antibiotics so they wouldn’t get infections so stop judging me, PETA"

"Did you know that “righteous” doesn’t have a “ch” or an “sh” in it even though it sounds like it should? Thank God this blog has spellcheck"

"Babies are flammable but only at night for some reason"

"This is like a “What I did over the summer” essay except it’s about giant labias"

"This dog’s broken"

Anyway, I haven't gotten through all of her site yet, but I have a feeling I will have lost at least 15 lbs. in water weight before I am done.    

Oh!  And I also found out about Technorati from her site.  It was awesome at first, and then I realized only one person, besides me, can be accused of linking to my site in a post.  I am wearing a sad face.

Jewelry for Catherine

After frustration and having to pull out the big girl tools, I finally got it.  No purple, though.

Very Lazy Sunday

I have done nothing all day long.  Nothing.  Well, I am alive, and living is doing something, but I really haven't done one productive thing.  Well, I did cook breakfast.  And turn the computer on.  And I am typing this, so maybe I have been productive today.

Mainly I have been annoying man and animals with the camera. 

Brett has been in bed all day until now.  And he is just running to pick up some food for us so we can eat in bed and watch tv.  I love days like today.  I like to feel lazy sometimes.

I am currently putting together in my head some jewelry for Ms. Catherine.  If memory serves me correctly, her favorite color is purple.  Lavender?  I remember her room was that color.  Of course, it could have changed.  I can figure something out. 

I also need to figure out what to do with the millions of cigar boxes I have.  Building mini-shrines doesn't really sound like fun.  At least, not with all of the boxes.  And Brett just bought me a few more, even though I haven't used up the ones I already had.  Bless his heart.

Anyway, I am going to go back to doing nothing of any interest to anyone.

Enjoy the picture of the current state of my art table.

Sprunchy-faced Sunday

This is what happens when you sneak up on people with a very bright flash.

Friday Pictures!

I went shopping today for lemongrass and ended up with all sorts of stuff. 

My lunch

One of my favorite beverages ever

I actually got this the other day and haven't tried it yet

Some of the best laundry detergent in the world
And finally:

The aloe juice I mentioned the other day.  It has some bits of the plant floating around in it.  It looks pretty gross.  So far I haven't been able to convince Brett to try it.

Anyway, that's all for today!